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Oprah has discovered another person for her cadre of experts. She discovers stock people that everyone needs in their life and then these people go on to make millions of dollars and try in their own way to change the world like she does, but of course they CAN'T, because there's only one Oprah so I wish she would stop discovering people already. We have her. That's enough. For instance she has in her stock pile of people: Nate the decorator, Suze Orman the money expert, Bob the fitness expert, Dr. Robin who replaced Dr. Phil as her resident therapist, and now Dr. Oz as her doctor. The truth is I like the rest of them, but I don't trust this Oz character and I don't like him. For one thing he always wears scrubs when he's on the show. We get it, you're a doctor. What, are you going to perfom surgery on Oprah during the show? I don't think so. Wear a suit. And while you're at it stop beaming so much. I know the millions have been piling in since Oprah adopted you but you're being too obvious. Just calm down a little bit and pretend your pager hasn't been on silent since you met Oprah. Thank you.
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This year I have been taunted with more free writer's guild screenings than ever before. Usually during awards season they send some information on some screenings but this year every day I get a letter with a new free screening. It's like they KNOW I just had a baby and am too tired to go to the movies. Thanks a lot, WGA! I may be imagining it since I can't go, but I don't think so! On Sunday I went with Arnie to see Children of Men because he was visiting for Thanksgiving and I didn't want him to think LA was made up of our four walls. Also it was at noon, so the possiblity of my falling asleep was minimal. Here is my review, no spoilers: The future is depressing! The world needs babies! I want to go home and kiss my baby! See what you make of that review, NY Times! (This entry suddenly became a defensive attack on the New York Times reviewers.) Good night. (It's 1:30 pm)
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November 26th, 2006
Helllllo. Is it me you're looking for?
Earlier this week I took Oakley to the vet for a check up. While there I was so worried about Oakley that I became the worst conversationalist in the world. If you ever want to be the worst conversationalist in the world, here’s how to do it. Simply answer questions that could possibly lead to engaging stories by only saying one or two words and refusing to say anything else. Whatever you do, avoid elaborating on your answer at all costs. For instance:
Vet: I like your ring. Is emerald your birthstone?
Me: No.
END OF CONVERSATION.
Now in my head I was thinking, "That's a nice thing for the vet to say. He's nice. I sure hope Oakley's okay. Is Oakley okay? I really love that cat.” But I stuck to the "worst conversationalist code" of not voicing a word of my inner thoughts.
I had mentioned to the vet that I hadn't given Oakley his pill consistently because I just had a baby. Later the vet said:
Vet: How old is your baby?
Me: Three and a half months.
END OF CONVERSATION.
I hope that my lack of personality in that visit doesn't affect his care of Oakley. If it does, next time I'll have to ask for a pre-interview and prepare some stories. But I found out later that Oakley is doing great! So at least I didn’t give him some disease because I couldn’t engage the vet in conversation.
In other news, it has been brought to my attention by a doctor in Salem, USA that my comments were not working. Not as in they weren't working for HER, but as in they were literally not working. But don't worry folks, they're back up! You can feel free to tell me whatever you want through my blog!! Lucky you!!
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Have you people noticed I have a new website??? What, it's crazy! I didn't even ask Brett to make me one! One day you're sitting there thinking how you may have outgrown polka dots and candy and the next you have a new website! And not just a new one, but the best site ever! Sorry everyone with websites it's JUST MY OPINION. I hope you enjoy it, I sure do!
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Harper did not allow us to get much sleep in the last week, so to make up for it she decided to bombard us with cuteness. It was pretty shameless:
Here she is as she went off to rehearsal for Brett's old improv team, The Shoves. I hated to tell her they were no more.
When she got back she had a little run in with the bear who lives across the street. He's been harassing her for months. Mostly, he's just jealous of the cuteness. Again, with the cuteness:
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Ed Bradley is dead but Andy Rooney is still alive? How is that possible? Isn't Andy Rooney like 5,008 years old? Everyone on that show is going to eventually die and he is going to still be there. He may be a zombie. I'm just putting it out there in case it should become important later.
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The other day I was watching Oprah and I paused it for Brett to tell me something. When I looked back at the screen Oprah was giving me a look (yes, me. who else?) that I will now imagine her giving me at all times. If I'm ever feeling down I'll recreate that picture in my head and I'll pick myself right back up. The look said, "Natasha, you are right. Right on track." Judge for yourself:
Yes, I took a picture of the TV. I haven't done that since I was in 8th grade and had a crush on AJ from Simon and Simon. See kids, that was before the days of the internets when teens couldn't just download pictures of their crushes!
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Arnold Schwarzenegger was relected Governor of California yesterday. "I love sequels" he said. God help us all...
Someone googled "tolerating an annoying person" to get to my blog. I didn't realize I gave out such advice here. I wonder what I said about that. I hope I gave some information about setting boundaries and making sure to carve out enough "me" time. Or maybe it was just about someone on Studio 60.
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Apparently my site is not down yet. Lucky you, reader(s)!
Guys, you won't believe this but Bill Clinton called me today. He pretended it was for the election, but he was so, I don't know, transparent. I was like, "Bill, seriously. You need to not call here! It's not respectful of my relationship with my husband!" But he just kept TALKING and TALKING pretending to not even hear me. It was so embarrassing for him. I held the phone in my hand at one point and just rolled my eyes at Brett. He's been through this before when Obama emailed me so he's kind of used to it, but he shouldn't have to be, you know? Anyway finally I was just like, "Okay, whatever Bill. I will say yes to Proposition 87. But Bill, I'm really talking about Proposition 87 and not "Proposition 87" okay?" He just said thank you and hung up. Poor guy didn't hear a word I said, I know it.
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Because of the ineptitude of the hosting company of my site, this site may be down for a few days. I know, I know. Look, you will get by. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but you will. I have no idea if it will even happen, so don't get crazy, just focus on the things you CAN control.
Until tomorrow when I will probably talk about cats and babies and television...
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