November 30th, 2005
Lest you forget....

Rick Springfield returns to General Hospital on Friday. And apparently he's going to be on the View Thursday. I hope they don't kill him by squawking over each other, causing his brain to shut down and implode giving him a stroke right before he can enjoy his return to fame as Dr. Noah Drake. That would be terrible timing.

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November 29th, 2005

It's important that I clarify something. I know I said I loved Prison Break, and I do. But let's be straight, it is no 24. Not even close. They showed a commercial for 24 during Prison Break and the commercial wiped up Prison Break's ass in the parking lot. I don't know what that means, but I have an idea. Here's the problem with Prison Break. The lead character is this prissy white boy from Princeton. In real life. I think I heard that he went to Princeton. Anyway, no offense to Princeton (Justin), that would be fine, if he could at least not act like he wasn't some preppy mcprepster. But he can't. When he stands up to the other prisoners it's laughable. It's like he's whining that he didn't make the LaCrosse team or whatever they do over there (Justin). Then you see a 20 second commercial for 24 and there is Jack Bauer and it's like, what have been watching? Who have I been kidding? What am I doing with my life? That last question wasn't related to 24, but you know what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, I love television and so what, and 24 comes back in January and I'm really excited.
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November 28th, 2005

So I'm sure you're all on tenterhooks waiting to hear how the removal of Dr. Schwartz's lady parts went. It went great! The first day she, according to brett, acted like a cartoon of a drunk cat. It was very sad to see her trying to walk, her head unsteady and very confused. She couldn't seem to get comfortable, until she saw Oakley. I was worried that when she walked up to him in her frail state he would hiss at her, but instead he smelled her head and licked it and she lay right next to him and was fine after that. He is the sweetest cat in the entirety of the universe. He is like Jesus, the cat. Brett said I'm starting to have too many things that are like Jesus. Jesus, from Lost. Jesus, the Dog Whisperer, Jesus the Bounty Hunter. But if the shoe fits. You must acquit. Or whatever.

Also this weekend I saw Finding Neverland and LOVED it. That Johnny Depp sure knows how to act, huh? He's like the Jes--well, he's good. He's really good.



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November 25th, 2005
Nick and Jessica and now this?!

RIP Mr. Miyagi.
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November 24th, 2005
happy thanksgiving everyone!

Why am I so sad about Nick and Jessica? The only thing more upsetting to me than my own sadness about them is that I still refused to believe that Brad and Angelina were together until they went to Pakistan together yesterday. Why do I care if Brad cheated on Jen? I should be more concerned that I refer to them by first name.

In other important news, (no spoilers ahead, no worries) when I see Jack from Lost a.k.a. Charlie from Party of Five act all "tough" with Mr. Ecko it makes me wonder how I could ever have loved Charlie from Party of Five a.k.a. Jack from Lost. Are you serious Jack? That is an enormous adorable Jesus you are talking to! Check yourself before you wreck yourself! Seriously.

Tomorrow Dr. Schwartz gets her lady parts out so everyone send her good thoughts.
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November 22nd, 2005

I was watching George Clooney on Letterman and it made me wonder. Do celebrities feel empty hanging out in normal one on one relationships? It must feel very uneventful just hanging out with an acquaintance or a friend. Because he would tell a joke that was fine, it wasn’t bad it wasn’t great, and it would get applause. It seems to me that after that kind of reaction, normal interaction with friends would fall short of satisfying. And let me say, I love George Clooney. I don’t feel as strongly as my mother does about him (“he’s my new God” she said last month), but I’m certainly a fan. When I heard that he had all that spinal trouble I felt terrible for him. But I’m not going to break into applause because he does a callback. If you get used to that kind of behavior and suddenly you’re making conversation with the cable guy and he doesn’t applaud you when you say a pun I think it could crush you. Maybe I should assume George Clooney’s sense of identity isn’t as fragile as mine. Maybe I should think about how to help the world instead of what’s going on with George Clooney. Mostly, I should go to sleep.




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November 20th, 2005
Funny! And terrrible.

My friend Jason overheard this conversation:

WOMAN:
No. You are not eating that.
MAN
Why not?
WOMAN
Because you had steak on Friday night and Lasagna last night. You
want to clog your arteries? Not on my watch.
MAN
Fine. What do you want me to eat?
WOMAN
(not listening)
And you don’t work out. Today’s a new day. Eat something healthy.
You always tell me you want to weigh 175. I don’t know how you’re
going to do that unless you cut off a leg.
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November 18th, 2005

I LOVE Rosie O'Donnell. I know that's not popular, I know everyone thinks her website is lame because she writes in weird verse. But I'm honestly surprised by how many creative people are bothered by it. She is so honest in the face of vitriol, and she speaks out for people who need to be heard. She's like Oprah! Only for some reason less liked. I just watched her on Larry King which was hosted by Bob Costas and she was so inspiring. She really cares about people and goes out of her way to help them and I love her! So there! (Imaginary people in my head disagreeing with me!)
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November 18th, 2005

Here is the most ridiculous thing I have encountered in Los Angeles. There has been a movement to change the names of speed bumps from bumps to humps. I am not joking. When you're driving along and there's a bump in the road and before it happens in big letters where it used to say BUMP it has now been painted over with the word HUMP. There have been people hired to paint over bump signs to make them hump signs. There is even a sign on the street that says Humps Ahead. I am still not joking. Why on earth are they doing this? And what was that meeting like? "I know we have a lot to go over today regarding our city: crime, schools need money, but WHEN ARE WE GOING TO START FACING FACTS AND REALIZE THOSE ARE NOT BUMPS, THOSE ARE HUMPS AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?!" And then got it approved? This may be old news, but I just noticed it. Maybe I don't live near bumpy, sorry, humpy roads.

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November 16th, 2005
I know you were curious...

What does Natasha think of the new season of Lost? Well, let me tell you. I LOVE it. It's finally living up to the hype for me. Thank God I'm addicted to television enough that I muddled through and watched an entire season feeling totally ambivalent about it so I could get to this one. And that enormous black man? Practically played tea with the children. That is NOT a spoiler. I'm just saying. Tea playing was implied. In fact I'm going so far as to say when we didn't see him, he was probably off being served fake tea and had been given a play name like "Mr. Applebee".
Believe it or not that did not give anything away.

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November 16th, 2005

There’s a new Hanes ad on with Matthew Perry and Michael Jordan. Apparently Matthew Perry is now also a spokesperson for Hanes. He’s on the screen and the voice over says, “Look who we have our Hanes on now.” Why are they doing this to me? Is this supposed to make me want to buy them? They kind of make it sound like it’s supposed to be sexy. My theory is someone in marketing was 16 at the height of the Friends phenomenon, had a huge crush on Chandler and this is her chance to give him his sexy break. If I worked at Hanes my suggestion would have been Rick Springfield. It’s more of a “I just thought this right now” than a theory, but I’ve been sick again for the past few days so just give me a break.
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November 13th, 2005
I have made a great impression on Brett's family.

This is what I told Brett’s 11 year old niece when she expressed confusion over why she had to study history when she knew she was going to be a fashion designer:
“Trust me, you don’t want to look stupid at parties when you don’t know things everyone else knows. Also, you don’t want to learn everything you know about history from one of those books people leave lying around the bathroom.”


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November 11th, 2005
Rosa Parks, I am not.

Indication my life has veered off somewhere short of meaningful:

hamtownjen : is Jessica on Laguna beach a full B cup?
hamtownjen : there's an argument going on here at work
nlevinger129 : she's much bigger than that
nlevinger129 : She's like a D
nlevinger129 : Note to self: stop knowing things like that
hamtownjen : okay, it's okay.
nlevinger129 : what is the debate?
hamtownjen : Jon the financial analyst say's C
hamtownjen : Sam the personal assistant says B
nlevinger129 : maybe big C
nlevinger129 : Definitely not B. Sam doesn't know what he's talking about.
hamtownjen : John the IT guy is siding with Jon the analyst
hamtownjen : yeah. GROWN MEN
hamtownjen : you have nothing to worry about
nlevinger129 : actually i think it's worse for me.
nlevinger129 : i have no hormonal reason as a justification.
nlevinger129 : This IM may have to go on my blog
hamtownjen: i would be honored
nlevinger129 : should i hide your real IM?
hamtownjen: no that's okay.
hamtownjen : i'm not worried about the public
nlevinger129): yeah, i got carried away for a second.
nlevinger129 ): i forgot only three people read my blog.
hamtownjen : i think you're the only one who reads mine. Wait, you have at LEAST 10 readers. what about the people who link to the woodpecker?
nlevinger129 :i think they've stopped coming.
hamtownjen : i'm sorry about that
nlevinger129 : i dont' want to talk about it.


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November 11th, 2005
Dr. Schwartz

will not stop peeing in the plant. I do not know how to make her stop. She is setting a bad example for her brother who lies there while she does it smiling at her. I tried to catch her but she was mid-pee! That medical degree can get you far, but it can't teach you etiquette.
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November 10th, 2005

I am for some yet to be determined reason writing five different things right now. It's kind of ridiculous. But I always like to update you dear, sweet faithful readers so i will now announce things I have decided I loved in the last two days:

The big black guy on Lost. I have decided he is my favorite new actor and lovable like Jesus. If I had daughters I'd like them to have tea time together. I just think he'd look cute playing tea. And I bet he's nice to kids.

Prison Break. It's really good.

The book The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman. You should go to his website. It's www.areasofmyexpertise.com. He's going to be in Park Slope on Thursday! If i still lived there I would definitely go. Unless it was really cold. I tended to stay in when it was really cold. But I bet isn't cold enough yet not to go to that. Back to things I decided I loved in the last two days:

My new vet. Dr. Christina Swindall. Wow is she a great vet! She talked to Oakley like I talk to him! And she pet him a lot and called him handsome. If he wasn't already taken I bet he'd ask her out.

I think that's it for the last 48 hours.

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November 7th, 2005

I was watching access hollywood or the insider or one of those terrible shows today. it is shocking but I actually don't watch those shows normally, they are oddly even less palatable than reading US Weekly which I do enjoy, but pretend not to. Anyway, this is what I heard screamed at me through the television:

ANOREXIC TWINS NEAR DEATH ONLY ON...THE INSIDER!! (or whatever show it was). Not only is that topic unappealling enough but they had to scream it at me to make it seem like it was supposed to be salacious. Please don't scream at me about anorexic twins.

They try to make everything seem newsworthy by screaming it: CHRIS KLEIN TALKS ABOUT KATIE HOLMES AS A MOTHER!!! Then Chris Klein says in a very muted tone, "She was always good with her nieces and nephews." WOW!!! That IS breaking news!!!

I'm going to go back to taking writing breaks by watching my cats wrestle.

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November 6th, 2005
Ye have been patient and ye will be rewarded.

For those who wanted to see the love affair that is Oakley and Doc Schwartz, here it is in all its glory. Although at first you will be regaled with pictures of a cat who has no relationship to her legs. If the pictures of her lying like a frog don't prove it, the second one should.








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November 3rd, 2005

I hung out with my friend Marty the other night. We went to high school together and he brought up the time we were TAs with my other friend Aileen in the Math/Science office. I have absolutely no recollection of being a TA in the Math/Science office. Not even the tiniest recollection. To say that my being a TA in the Math/Science office is out of character for me would be like saying George Bush is a complete and total moron. It is a huge understatement. Marty went on to Yale and Aileen was also very smart and motivated and went to UC Berkeley. I went on to portray a nurse in C.H.U.D. II. I had no lines. Then Brett informed me that at his high school being a TA was something that people did so they wouldn’t have to do a lot of work and essentially have a free class without having a free class. Now it seems like being a TA in the Math/Science office is out of character for Marty and Aileen. What the hell were they doing there?
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November 2nd, 2005

Today was not only the day Marlena was on Martha, but it was the day of Rosa Parks' funeral. Bill Clinton gave a speech you can see here. It seems like it was just a dream that he was ever our president. Also, I didn't realize that Rosa Parks was 42 when she refused to get up for that white man on the bus. It's mind boggling how one person can make such an enormous difference, and how you don't have to be a spring chicken (or person) to do it. Not that 42 is old, but for some reason I always thought she was in her 20s or 30s. Clinton said when he met Rosa Parks he thought of what Abraham Lincoln said when he met Harriet Tubman: "So this is the little lady that started the war." One person expressing themselves through art can change the world, and one person refusing to compromise their integrity can do it too. It seems like that couldn't be possible, but it's true.

Sorry, Bill and Oprah bring out the sap in me.

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November 2nd, 2005

I hate to admit that I have a favorite character on Days of Our Lives because then I would be admitting that I really do watch it for more than the comedy, but I can't help it I do. I guess it won't come as a surprise that it is Dr. Marlena Evans considering I named our cat after her (with an extra last name for the Jew in me). I have had an on again off again unhealthy love of her since 7th grade because she is what I imagine an ideal mother would be. Let's unearth the psych books another day and instead discuss the fact that she was on Martha Stewart today.

It was better than i could have imagined. First off Martha "admitted" (read: lied) that she doesn't watch the show. Then she gave her reason. She said, "I don't have time. I have been working building this company and creating these shows..." Ahem. Oh, okay. Like I'm not? Please. Besides, you're telling me while you were locked up in the jail house you didn't sneak in any Days? Don't give us the old "building this company" excuse. I'm "taking lots of pictures of my cats" you don't see me missing it. Then she said, "I'm trying to figure out why this show is such a big hit." She really knows how to make anyone feel special, that Martha. But then Deirdre Hall (the actress who plays Marlena) had to go and really give me the ol' knife in the back. She chose to butter up to Martha instead of those who love her and say, "It means you have a good job if you don't watch daytime." Oh really? Um, thank you! Some people MAKE time for you Marlena! Way to forsake the ones who love you for people who would rather spend time building their empire! Thanks a lot!

I still love her and wish she would have adopted me. She's so pretty!
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November 1st, 2005

I saw North Country. I cried and felt like I had gotten beaten for 2 hours straight. But in a satisfying way. Come to think of it, it was a lot like watching Oprah. So, I highly recommend it! Turns out I've gotten over my grudge on Charlize Theron for going straight from being a model to landing a Woody Allen movie. Somewhere right now she's breathing a beautiful and well acted sigh of relief.
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