September 30th, 2008
We all have our dreams...

Harper: Guacamole. Guacamole and carrots.

Me: Guacamole? Do you want some?

Harper: No. Just thinkin' about it.
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September 29th, 2008
Yes, this is a post about weather.

Will it ever be below 95 again? Will I go into a deep freeze if my body experiences anything in the 80 range? Will my daughter know what rain is from seeing it in real life? And is Jamie Lee Curtis really in Beverly Hills Chihuahua? That's off topic, but she needs to have a conversation with her husband about movie choices.
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September 23rd, 2008
I continue to love Chris Rock, Bill Clinton...not so much.

I know, I can't believe I'm saying it either. But it appears as though Bill (I can call you Bill, right?) is so bitter about Hillary's defeat, that since the convention he has given Obama only lukewarm support and spoken highly of McCain. He went on Letterman delivering his tepid opinions and was followed by Chris Rock who put him in his place as seen here!:



Oh Chris Rock. I love you.
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September 17th, 2008
You know this guy thinks he's the funniest guy in the room.

I'm pretty certain there is nothing more annoying than being totally sick, feeling like complete crap, and getting a doctor with a terrible sense of humor. No, getting a doctor with a terrible sense of humor who WON'T STOP TELLING JOKES. Sorry, "JOKES". I was assaulted with a relentless barrage of material that only his closest relatives should have to put up with. I barely have the energy to sit up, now I have to muster some to pretend he's funny? Well I won't do it! This decision was made after he looked in my mouth and said,"Whoa! You kiss your husband and three boyfriends with that??!" And when it was clear he had moved on without actually explaining the reason for his hilarity (read: "hilarity") I asked himif he really saw something MEDICALLY wrong, him being a DOCTOR AND ALL, he said,"Nah. Just making a joke." No sir, no you aren't.
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September 11th, 2008
Could I be more excited for this movie?

No.


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September 10th, 2008

This is my favorite title of an article maybe ever: Mouth to Meow: Mass firefighter saves cat. That firefighter is either the coolest guy on his squad (is it a squad?) and everyone will be afraid to make fun of him, or he will never, ever live this down. I'd like think he resuscitates cats in his spare time and spends the rest of his time kicking ass. Kind of like a cat loving Jack Bauer.
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September 8th, 2008
My very important feelings about two celebrities.

1. Apparently Beyonce's wedding ring from Jay-Z cost 5 million dollars. That might be the most disgusting piece of information I have heard from the world of celebrity. Aside from when Woody Allen had sex with his daughter. I mean hey, jewelry is nice, right? But 5 MILLION dollars in one ring? I don't even want to talk about how many cats that would save. At LEAST five. Never mind, you know, poverty, starvation across the world. This sounds higher and mightier than I feel, but even 1 million dollars in a ring? I don't know. The whole thing makes me nauseous.

2. Is Michael Phelps really hot? He doesn't resemble a monkey? I'm confused.
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September 7th, 2008
Us Open spoiler alert!

Holy crap Serena Williams is awesome. I don't think I've seen her play in years and it was so emotional to watch. Am I emotional anyway? Who's asking? So what! She is such a powerful, inspiring woman it brought tears to my eyes watching her kick the ass of the woman who wore sparkles in her hair and would look up at the monitor after every big shot to adjust her hair. Eff Sarah Palin, I want Serena Williams a heartbeat away from presidency! She wouldn't kill as many wolves (even half as many would be heartening) and she could kick anyone's ass. And she is as sweet as pie! (And obviously I really want Joe Biden, stop distracting me.) When she won she got so excited she threw her racquet in the air and then told her opponent, "I'm sorry, I just got excited." What an adorable, powerful mensch!

And if powerful ladies aren't your thing here is an hilarious baby who probably everyone has seen but I hadn't before today:


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September 3rd, 2008
This girl has no self esteem issues. YET.

Me: Harper your hair is gorgeous.

Harper: No, not gorgeous.

Me: No?

Harper: No. It's beautiful.

Me: Oh, okay. That's true.

Harper: AND gorgeous.
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September 1st, 2008
Eat, Pray, Oprah

Why does everyone on Oprah look so much better than they do normally? Even celebrities who have professional stylists and hair and make up look better on Oprah. It's special Oprah lighting. (It's made of Oprah!) I would like to be on Oprah just to see what I'd look like with special Oprah made Oprah lighting. And I would also like for her to give me a car. I mean if I bothered to make the trip, it only seems right.
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