September 30th, 2006
This is essentially an entry for Kate.

Days of Our Lives has gotten a new head writer! That's right, people. You can start watching it again. You're welcome for my telling you. Things are finally moving in Salem. They are not staying on the same storyline for so long that when you tune in a year later the characters are saying the same things they said to each other the last time you watched it. And yesterday there was some new dude on and I thought "Who is that? Why is everyone calling him Sean?" Well I rewound tivo and on the screen it said "The part of Sean is now being played by some new dude." I couldn't believe it! I wish a voiceover had said it but you can't have everything. And apparently tons of actors have been fired and/or are leaving. I actually read an interview with the new writer and I was kind of inspired about his take on story and character. Not just for Days, but in general. That's when I knew I had to start reading something for smart people because my brain might be deteriorating.

Still, good news for Salem!
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September 26th, 2006

It occurs to me it's been over a year since I started this blog and I still don't have a book deal. What, no one wants to read about my cats, my favorite tv shows and now my child's excrement on the printed page? I find that a wee bit hard to believe.
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September 25th, 2006
Poop!

I saw the new Calista Flockhart show, Brothers and Sisters. I liked it, but what does it say about the state of things that Calista Flockhart looked just normal thin and not anorexic thin? It says, "HELP!"

I'm pretty sure our pediatrician thinks we're insane (read: really annoying). This is essentially what my conversation was like with him a few moments ago, when I had him call me off hours.

Me: "Her poop looks funny."
"It's normal."
"You're sure? Because it looks funny."
"it's normal."
"But it didn't look like this yesterday."
"It's normal."
"So we shouldn't give her something for it?"
"It's normal."
"Should I do something differently?"
"Don't do anything differently."
"So---it's normal?"
"It's normal."

At some point we'll do something other than stare at her 24 hours a day and disect her every movement. Pun!

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September 22nd, 2006

Holy moly thank God for TiVo. Otherwise I would have never seen Fat Camp on MTV. Here is a snippet between a boy named Petey and some girl:

Petey: God, I hate Mo. Have you seen her? She gained so much weight. Her ass is huge. I can't stop looking at her I hate her so much. She's such a whore. God, she makes me so angry I can't stand it.

Girl: Why, because you want her?

Petey: Basically.

At one point one girl fell out of a chair, yes out of her chair, onto her knees and lay there crying for two minutes before she went to the infirmary.

I don't want to tell anyone what to do, but I can't think of any reason not to watch this show.
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September 21st, 2006

As many of you know I love Oprah. Oprah has done little--okay nothing-- to disappoint me . Until Monday. Over the summer Oprah took a road trip across the country with her best friend Gail. Monday she aired the footage. Never has it been so clear that Oprah is not someone that is used to mingling amongst the real people. She hides it well when she’s changing our lives with “aha” moments and pretending to remember what it was like to be broke. But once you put O out into America away from her castle and her bags of money, she’s one lost turkey. Suddenly it’s clear that the people are here for Oprah to preach to, not live amongst. She does not know how to operate in their world, she does not know how to drive their cars, she does not know how to eat their real people food. She does not know how to be Oprah.

Apparently Oprah has not pumped gas since 1983. I say apparently because she said so. She is also not used to driving as she is usually being driven by a driver. She mentioned this a few times. I heard it the first time, but I think Oprah was so stunned that she had to drive, she had to keep saying it like someone who was just told they lost all their money in a stock market crash. "Bbbut I had money yesterday. Bbbut I usually have a driver." What’s odd is that it didn’t sound pretentious, it just sounded like a simple fact. Like “I’m the people’s messiah. I am comfortable preaching to them and transforming lives and giving them cars. I’m not comfortable behaving like them. Where is my gold plated water? You don’t have that here? Gail!! You didn’t tell me they don’t have gold plated water on the road!” Oprah didn’t like it when her BFF Gail listened to music in the car. At all. Ever. No music for Oprah on a 3,000 mile road trip. Oprah said she wanted to be alone with her thoughts. And really, who can blame her? She’s busy figuring out how to save us. I say Gail, turn the Goddamn music off. If Oprah has more shows interviewing Matthew Macoungheyhey than about how to make my life perfect this year, I blame you! If Jesus was in the car with you and he asked for silence, would you insist on singing “Did you ever know you were my Hero” to him at top volume? I didn’t think so. We may have only 5 commandments instead of 10 if you did that, Gail. Jesus didn’t come up with those? Are you sure? I don't know, those smack of Jesus to me. Ask Oprah and get back to me.

Excuse the rant but Monday was the day I realized that even though Oprah and I share a birthday (have I mentioned that?) she may be less relatable than I thought. All I can say is, thank God Rosie's on the View!
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September 18th, 2006

Dr. Schwartz, Denise Leiberman DDS and I have taken the next step and recorded our album. In 1986, on cassette.


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September 17th, 2006

I am not against changing a cat's name if their true name is revealed later in its life. Therefore I had no choice than to rename Gracie to...Denise Lieberman, DDS. I say "I" because brett wasn't 100% behind renaming her, however he came up with the name. He would have preferred saving it for whenever we get another cat, but I couldn't wait that long.

Here's Denise after giving Harper and I our anesthesia pre-surgery:



My only real concern with renaming her is that Brett and I have been doing this thing where we make up the lives the cats are living when we don't see them. For instance they spend a lot of time in the downstairs room and we've decided that Denise & Dr. Schwartz have started a jazz band called "Ladies Jazz it Up" and are rehearsing down there. Greg the cat puts on a wig and tries to crash rehearsal but he doesn't fool anyone. Also, when Brett and I were in Phoenix a few months ago I saw a store called "Gracie's thrift store" and I said, "So that's what she's been up to." After I/we renamed her I was happy until I remembered her other life. "What's going to happen to her thrift store?" I asked Brett. He said it was just an ironic name now.

Yes, we are 1 billion percent nerd.

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September 14th, 2006

I have been quite consumed with taking care of the little lady and starting the very initial stages of getting my movie made. I adapted my play loosely into a screenplay and decided why pussyfoot around, it's time to make it. Which really means if any of you people are secret millionaires and haven't let me know, and would like to give me your millions to help me make my movie, now is the time to fess up. Even if you can only give one million, don't be ashamed. Every little million helps, really.

Since I'm sure you're all extremely curious what else is going on, here are some snippets:

Harper hates to poop. Everytime she does it she cries. What a dainty lady!

I saw The Apartment. That's a good movie, huh? I think it won some awards or something. And NYC looks amazingly the same even though the movie was made over 45 years ago. Where did the time go?

I also saw Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Yes, I am so "inside" Hollywood that I got a copy of it 5 days early. Okay I ordered it from Netflix, but the point is, I didn't love it. Which was shocking because I loooove Aaron Sorkin. I loved the script, but somehow in the execution it takes itself way way too seriously. Hopefully this will change as the season goes on.

Oh and I tried to get more sleep while cats jumped on top of refrigerators and made forts out of boxes and chased each other around the apartment at top speed. It's been QUITE a crazy time. Don't feel jealous, not everyone can have such a glamorous lifestyle.
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September 6th, 2006

Getting any kind of sleep right now is truly precious. If I had a Precious Moments poster it would be of me sleeping, not of those weird Precious Moments kids. So it's frustrating enough that I can never fall asleep right away, no matter how tired I am (and I am really tired), but even more frustrating when I hear this right as I'm about to fall asleep:

Scratch, scratch scratch.

Pause.

Louder scratch, bang.

Pause.

Something falling.

Pause. I wait, praying that was the end of it.

Undeterminable things being flung about. Scratch Scratch, scratch.

I jump up, "WHAT are you guys doing?!"

I get up to see two of the cats, Dr. Schwartz and Gracie, surrounding one of the cardboard boxes we have under our bed with my winter clothes in it, while Greg the cat, is in the box flinging my clothes out of it and rubbing all over them simutaneously.

I am too tired to do anything about it.
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September 2nd, 2006
This is a long entry.

Inspired by Anne, I decided to list MY five favorite blogs! Who's gonna stop me? Exactly. I already linked to Anne's in the previous entry and I'm still waiting for people to send me food. I'm getting hungry. In the meantime, here are the blogs:

I kind of feel like a stalker with this one because I don't know her at all, but I stumbled upon Beth Cherry's blog and I love it. She isn't a writer by trade, but she is a great writer and for some reason she is the one blog I have read consistently for a couple years now. She doesn't have archives, so if you miss a day you are SCREWED.

I mentioned this before, but I love Rosie O'Donnell and her blog. Wanna fight about it? Please don't hurt me. I think she is brave and has a huge heart and she is outspoken about her beliefs which I almost always agree with. Plus she loves TV and candy so she had me at Ho-Hos.

Arnie's old blog is a fan favorite so I can't imagine his new one, A Year of Working will be any different. Whenever I look at my blog stats (that makes me sound like a dork and pompous at the same time. Impressive!) I find that more people find me by looking for Arnie than they do looking for me. That must mean that a whole lotta people are looking for Arnie in the first place. I hope he isn't on the lam.

I found Inside A Black Apple when I bought some of this girl Emily's artwork. She's adorable and as prolific as she is talented.

Productshopnyc is a music blog that is centered around music happenings in nyc, but it has lots of music news for people unfortunate enough to not live in nyc. I like to read it and fool myself that if I lived there I would leave the house enough to go to the shows he's talking about and then feel bad that I'm missing them.
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