August 31st, 2006
Harper has a huge head.

At the risk of making this a blog about babies, specifically my baby, I'm just here to tell you that Harper's head is in the 90% percentile for other babies her age. What I'm saying is, she is really fucking smart, so watch out. I'm not sure why that's a threat. How about watch out, she is probably going to cure cancer with her enormous head. Actually John Mayer also has an enormous head, so the world can watch out for a cure for cancer or some non-threatening adult contemporary music that I am reluctant to admit I love. If she wrote it though, I wouldn't be reluctant.

In other news, the lovely Anne Nodar and her blog about cooking that makes me hungry and wish I had more to talk about than TV, cats and now babies, specifically my baby, linked me as one of her favorite blogs! That was really nice of her, so go read her blog and make me something to eat.
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August 28th, 2006

Well I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that there is SOME justice in the world! 24 won the Emmy for best drama, Kiefer won the Emmy for best Jack Bauer, I mean actor, The Office won for best comedy, Ricky Gervais and his partner Stephen Merchant showed up in some clothes that they might have worn to a fancy barbeque. Everything is okay at least for a few moments.

And my contribution is not a hit show, but I did make Harper a dress that will fit her sometime in 2008. This is a preview of what she might look in it soon:


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August 23rd, 2006
Wh-wh-what???

The new Survivor is dividing the teams by RACE. What???? According to eonline they are dividing them into blacks, whites, asians and hispanics. That is so crazy and terrible, my sleep deprived mind can't come up with much more to say than, what??? Seriously though. What??
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August 21st, 2006
Hmm!

On Rick Springfield's birthday (this wed.) John Mayer will be premiering his entire album on a radio station here in LA. My two favorite teen idols colliding! Sort of! I don't really like John Mayer as a person but i still can't help but loving his music. And I wasn't close to a teen when I loved him. But he's still a teen idol. And Rick Springfield really has very little to do with any of it. But still! Wow!

Yes, I did just have a daughter two weeks ago. Isn't it heartening to know that nothing can take away shallowness? Not even the birth of a perfect little creature? No? Hello?
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August 15th, 2006

They say you can't spoil an infant, but Brett works from home and I'm pretty sure it doesn't take two people to change a diaper, or two people to feed her, or two people to stare at her constantly. But we are cliche first time parents. This is a sample of our conversation from any of the last few days:

Is she sleeping too much?
Why isn't she sleeping?
Is she eating too much?
I don't think she's eaten enough.
Is she pooping too much?
Do you think she's constipated?
Is she too warm?
Do you think she's cold?

Well at least she's loved!

My dreams are reflecting the incredible changes I'm going through. Last night I dreamt the Knicks got a new uniform that they hated. I think it might have been made of rubber. Also, I was on the Knicks, and known as "the short one". Oh, I guess I meant to say my dreams are as shallow as ever. But have I mentioned Harper was born on Patrick Ewing's birthday? That's my girl!
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August 13th, 2006
The lady finally left my belly.

This is what I have been up to:


And also not sleeping and instead feeding her as best I can. Oh, and also trying not to implode from sights like this:


I will be back soon!

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August 4th, 2006
The times they are a changin'...

Last night I had a dream that I was hanging out with George Clooney. This was strange not because I had a dream about George Clooney, but because it was 100% platonic. George and I were friends, hanging out, and at one point he asked me if I wanted to "go on a run." This was not a euphemism for sex or a drug reference. He meant a real, actual run. And what's more disturbing was that there was nothing more that I wanted to do than go for a run. There was a time when not only was I boy crazy, but I had a list of imaginary boyfriends to prove it. I even had back ups if anyone in the top ten started to bore me. These days my fantasy is being able to go on a run. A real, actual run. I should ask Joy Behar what she thinks that means. (that was a callback for regular readers!)

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August 3rd, 2006

If you are in NYC please go see Martin Short's one man show Fame Becomes Me, tell me all about it and make me jealous. Apparently I am masochistic, so enable me. In his words:

Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me brings over 20 years of comic genius to the Broadway stage - and leaves it there.


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August 3rd, 2006

I thought I would hear many conversations like this since moving to LA, but I haven't. It's too bad, they are very entertaining! Brett and I were in Whole Foods and I kept seeing this guy on his cell phone talking loudly, seeming to think he was very important. When we got in line he was behind us and I heard his conversation:

Guy: It's gonna go one of two ways. We have the meeting with Warner Brothers and they say, yeah, let's do this, let's rock-n-roll. Or they say--hello? hello?

He hangs up his phone and calls what I assume is his wife.

Guy: I'm late because I've been walking around Whole Foods looking for organic tortillas but they moved them! I couldn't find the fucking things. (Ed note: this is not why he's late.) You can eat Taco Bell, I'm not eating it. I gotta go.

He switches lines.

Guy: Yeah, so it'll go one of two ways...

Unfortunately we had to leave at that point. I could have listened to that guy and his khaki jeans, flip flop wearing self all night.

By the way, if you're not watching Dog Bites Man you're doing yourself a disservice. Actually if you are easily offended you shouldn't watch it, but if you're not it's hilar central USA. You're welcome! (For that expression.)
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August 1st, 2006

A couple of weeks ago I was told by an overly cautious doctor that I had to do nothing at all but stay on the couch for a week. (Actually she said indefinitely, but it turns out she got her degree from crazytown so it didn't last long.) Previously, I thought ordered bedrest was a dream come true. You mean the doctor said I HAD to stay home and be glued to my computer and television? Even when it's sunny outside I *have* to watch movies and play nerdy online word games? I knew I loved doctors! But, shockingly, the bloom fell of off that rose quickly. Extremely quickly. This "couch/bed rest" unfortunately coincided with my having just finished a draft of my screenplay so I was in between writing projects. My previously unstoppably full creative pool was temporarily tapped. I know what you're thinking. What? That's impossible! You're a creative machine! Thank you, but it was true. I was left to my own devices. It wasn't pretty.

Let's put it this way: I watched at least one episode of The View. God, I know. I was eating breakfast! I was ordered to stay on the couch! It was worse than you could possibly imagine. I heard Barbara Walters say she had a SEX dream about Brad Pitt. It gets worse. She went into detail. She said they, "smooched a whole lot" although they "didn't go all the way". And yes, that counts as details when we're talking about a Barbara Walters sex dream. And then she kept asking, "What do you think that means?" Stop it!! Don't make Joy Behar keep telling you it was sexual! It was scarring! Doctor's orders?? That doctor did more damage than good. I also saw a diarrhea medicine commercial where a bunch of "rappers" stand around "rapping" about diarrhea. Who are they appealing to? Do old ladies and women who watch the view like terrible rappers? Did they find that out in some focus group somewhere? "Here, old ladies and ladies who watch The View: listen to the Notorious BIG." Ladies: Oh, that's AWFUL. "Okay, now listen to Vanilla Ice." "I LOVE it! Where can I get some diarrhea medicine?"

Adios bedrest! I now know the truth about you! You're better looking from afar.
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