July 31st, 2008
My very important reviews.

As avid readers of my blog with good memories remember, I receive Showtime free of charge. The free part doesn't matter as far as this entry goes, but I just wanted to say it again because I love it. Showtime apparently makes me feel very passionately both positively and negatively.

I LOVE Californication. Even if they did steal the title from the Red Hot Chili Peppers who I hate. I've never had strong feelings one way or the other about David Duchovny, but this show makes me want to take him home, wrap him in blankets and give him tea until he feels loved. Did I say David Duchovny? I meant his character, Hank Moody. Come on, I can separate reality from TV!! Look at me! I'm sane!

I Can't Believe I'm Still Single makes me want to take a sledgehammer to Eric Schaeffer's soul and make God promise to keep him from coming back. Ouch, that was harsh! This guy is so gross and mysoginistic while posing to be a new agey yogi, it brings up all my hate for phoneys in general, and new agey phoneys in particular. And I truly dislike him, not the character because it's a "documentary" (read: reality show). Why do I watch it then??? Maybe I'll stop soon! Here's hoping!





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July 30th, 2008
BREAKING NEWS!!

According to NUMEROUS sources, bangs are back!!!

See people, if you just hold on to a haircut from the time you are 14, at SOME point it will be in style. You may have to wait decades, but at some point, for at least two months, you'll be fashionable. That's my advice. Love it or leave it.
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July 29th, 2008
There was just an earthquake.

The first one of any magnitude since we moved here. Harper and her friend Olive couldn't have cared less. Their mothers were more distressed. But the main thing it made me realize is I don't want my obituary to mention that I died in a Bob's Big Boy. Even if it's true.
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July 22nd, 2008
whoops

I forgot to mention his name: Pete Rouse. Know him to love him, everyone!
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July 22nd, 2008
All's forgiven.

I just found out that Obama's chief of Staff is obsessed with cats. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE? Cats may soon have the right to vote!! It's a new day, people!
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July 21st, 2008
Well, she's right.

We are trying to teach Harper to say, "excuse me" when she burps or farts. Yesterday Harper farted when she was playing outside with Brett.

Brett: Harper, what do you say?

Harper: So funny.

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July 13th, 2008
I get it, I live in L.A.!

Last week I was at the lady doctor, doing what ladies do, and my doctor walked in looking like she just stepped out of hair and make up. I asked her why.

Dr.: I just got out of hair and make up.

Me: You did? Why?

Dr. Oh, we started shooting the second season of our show.

Me: You have a show?

Dr.: Oh, yeah. It's called Deliver Me. It's about our practice. Okay! Put your legs in the stirrups!

Then today at the Farmer's Market we went to the bounce house because we got more bounce in California than all y'all combined! No, I mean because Harper freaking loves bouncing in a house with kids twice her size flinging their bodies at her while the other parents try not to outwardly resent us for putting her in there. (But she loves it! She's fine!) Anyway, kids crashing into her don't bother her, but apparently seeing a grown man in the bounce house keeping an eye on his kid did. She wouldn't go in when she saw him. The grown man happened to be actor Mark Feuerstein.

So for our next L.A. moment I turned around to question (just wanted to know when he would be leaving!) about Mark Feuerstein, while Dave Grohl, the only other parent sitting there, watched me do it.

If things like this keep happening it's going to seem normal and I CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN.
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July 8th, 2008
Breaking news: Obama is a politician.

Okay so I know that I've idealized Obama just a touch, loving him like a non lady Oprah, but I was stunned to find out that he is against gay marriage. I was so upset I felt like I was getting stabbed in the gut. Or heart. Or hand (I use my hands a LOT). He is FOR civil unions, and a number of gay rights including gay people being allowed to adopt and making sure gay couples can visit each other in hospitals, but for the first time I witnessed him doing normal political rhetoric explaining his position. Watch the sadness here:



After seeing this I talked to my BFF Laura who once again came through for me.

Laura: I love Obama, but I am under no illusions that he is a politician. He is the BEST politician we've had in 50 years, but he is a politician.

A healthier outlook I suppose than feeling like he's my own little Jesus.

In related marriage news: The Bachelorette picked her groom!! Us heteros are really proving that we know how to do it best!!
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July 2nd, 2008
We are raising a tiny Howard Cosell.

This is how the morning starts. I walk in the room.

Harper: Mommy! Mommy walking. Mommy red shirt. Mommy wearing red shirt. Mommy drinking blue cup. Mommy sitting.

I think you can extrapolate from there. (If you're going to, have me doing something amazing.)

We enrolled in a swim class. This is how the swim class goes: Harper sits on the steps of the pool, watching everyone else swim.

Harper: Girl swimming. Guy cleaning ground. Guy cleaning ground. Guy cleaning ground.

Me: Yes honey, the guy is cleaning the ground. Would you like to swim?

Harper: Girl kicking, guy try it too, guy try it too, boy red shirt...

I guess someone who kept a strict cat's nap schedule before she had a kid shouldn't be surprised that her daughter would rather observe and comment rather than be very physical.
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July 1st, 2008
Brett asked that I not leave him for this man.

I make no promises. He's got me on two things I love: stutterers and cats.


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