July 31st, 2007
Some decisions are not difficult.

Harper has evolved from staring at people with a mix of disdain and fear to smiling and waving at them emphatically with a perfect beauty pageant wave. I sometimes cringe when it happens, afraid that people think I keep her at home going, "Do it like this! Not like that, like THIS!" I don't know how or why she has turned into such a ham, but that's who she is, at least for now. Her behavior prompted this conversation after a music class she is taking, a conversation that would only happen in L.A.:

The teacher: She is so expressive! And so social! Are you going to exploit her?

Me: No, no. I'm not going to exploit her.

The teacher: Are you sure? You really should exploit her.

Me: I'm sure. She will not be exploited.

Teacher (sighing, looking at Harper): Too bad.
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July 28th, 2007
Music & babies.

I know so many of you are clamoring for my professional insight about music, so you've noticed I haven't updated my MPOTM page since May. The fact is I haven't found anyone new I've loved in awhile! But the new Spoon album is great so maybe that has preoccupied me from finding new music. (Disregard the fact that it came out 2 weeks ago.)

In other news, Harper turns 1 in 1 week. That is CRAZY.
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July 25th, 2007
I have found a funny Jack Bauer...

and his name is whatever the dude's name in Burn Notice is. I love this show more every time I watch it. It's like watching Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. Actually it's like watching 24 without all that annoying racist terrorist stuff. Really it's like watching 24 if Jack Bauer was in Miami and had funny witty retorts ALONG with his bad ass witty retorts and used his MacGyver moves solely to save his ass and solve crimes, instead of torturing. So you end up watching torturing 0% of the time, instead of 95.8% of the time (statistics 100.9% accurate). Oh, and what if Jack had a sidekick who starred in the Evil Dead movies? That would be this show! I know, how great right?! I swear I don't get anything for this review. Just the joy of promoting great TV. Enjoy, my lucky readers!
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July 24th, 2007
I'm chipping away at our marriage.

So I sat down to eat and I turned on the TV when Brett sat next to me.

Me: Oh no.

Brett: What?

Me: I was about to watch something. You're not going to like it.

Brett: It's okay, I just want to sit with you.

Me: No, no. You're REALLY not going to like it.

Brett: What is it? (pause as he looks at the TV) SCOTT BAIO has a show now??? SCOTT BAIO??
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July 19th, 2007
You're welcome.

My cats run when they hear a vacuum cleaner five miles away.
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July 19th, 2007
Snarky Comment of the Day

I'm glad Hollywood gives itself awards because it doesn't receive enough attention without it. Lord knows the media is so obsessed with the war, Darfur, the general state of world affairs, if it wasn't for these awards I wouldn't know what an actor was! So thanks, the Hollywood award machine!
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July 17th, 2007
You can't tell me I don't like cake.

I just read this article about Flight of the Conchords where two people discuss the show, one who likes it and one who doesn't, and now I'm convinced that despite liking it a great deal I don't like it. I'm very confused.
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July 15th, 2007
While watching Hey, Paula we had this conversation:

Me: God, I love this show.

Brett: (after a moment of begrudgingly watching it) Do you think the audience bears any responsibility for, not her drug problem, but for propagating the delusion, or enabling the problem?

Me: No.





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July 10th, 2007
I am very current.

I just saw some of The Devil Wears Prada on HBO. Let me get this straight. Anne Hathaway is supposed to be the fat, unattractive girl? Anne Hathaway? And this movie was a success? I only saw 45 minutes of it so maybe I'm missing something. But, I don't think I'm missing something! It's so depressing. I'm not going to let Harper go near a television for 21 years. (I hope TiVo isn't listening! I'll be in so much trouble!!)
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July 10th, 2007
I'm the music expert.

These pop star ladies like Ashlee Simpson and Mandy Moore who brag about how they co-write their whole albums---what does that mean exactly? If they are capable of co-writing with a variety very expensive actual writers brought in by the record company, sorry, a variety of writers, why can't they write just one on their own? It's fine if you're a pretty face with a great voice, not everyone has to be a songwriter!

Also, Mandy Moore, if you're want to be taken seriously don't promote your album with the red m'n'm character. Actually, don't promote it with any color of m'n'm. It's just a suggestion.

In other news, I am snarky. Why yes, it is adorable!
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July 9th, 2007
Yeah, well, too bad.

Harper and another baby were going over the fine points of a Jack in the Box toy that was property of the bookstore we were in. A three year old girl walked up to me, pointed at it and said, "I think I'm gonna need that."

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July 9th, 2007
Either way, Adrian Grenier is a terrible actor.

I read once that when Steven Tyler & Joe Perry watched Spinal Tap it sent them into a deep depression. It was too real. I know I have only a peripheral experience with Hollywood but watching Entourage only serves to upset me, not make me laugh. The business really is like that, and I don't find that funny! I find it depressing and it makes me question my feelings about humanity. Until last night. I actually enjoyed the entire episode. This either means I have given up my aspirations in the business to feel confident enough that I won't run into these people, or I have become hardened and jaded. At least I can enjoy another half hour of television, and that is what was really missing from my life.
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July 4th, 2007
Can a woman be emasculated?

Yesterday as I was pumping gas into my Ford "couldn't be a more Mom car if it tried" Taurus, and squealing to Harper who was in the backseat, "I see you! I see you!", I noticed the man behind me pumping gas into his El Camino, with a PARATROOPER sticker across his back window. Once he finished he came around the car, looked over at me squealing at Harper in my faux aviator glasses from Target ($5.99), in his Issued by the Military Gods real Aviator glasses, popped open his hood and hot wired his own car.

To paraphrase a Bottle Rocket quote, if I ever had a touch to lose, I have lost it.
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July 1st, 2007
Lucy, the little genius.

Yesterday while at the park a six year old girl, Lucy, came over and started trying to make Harper laugh by shocking her. Instead she ended up making Harper cry, and exclaiming, "It was funny!" Before she brought our daughter to tears we had this conversation:

Little girl: I am going to make your baby laugh.

Brett: You're going to make my baby laugh?

Little girl: (pointing at me) It's her baby too! She's the one who carried her in her tummy, so she's more hers!

She ran off to make Harper "laugh" and Brett said after her: I appreciate the feminist sentiment, but that isn't true.

Brett's favorite part of our whole conversation was when she said: In six years I could babysit for her. (pause) What's your number?

Later Brett told her it was his birthday the next day. She said: I'm not going to ask how old you are. It's not polite.

Me: It's not polite to ask how old an adult is?

Her: Yes. Especially ladies. But men too.

We told her he was going to be thirty.

Her: Oooh. That's not good.

Me: It's okay, it's not bad.

Her: Well, you can't do somersaults anymore.
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