May 27th, 2007
Overheard in the park.

A boy slightly too old to be on a small rocking horse in the park was having a good time on it. His father spotted him across the park and yells at him "playfully" so that everyone can hear:

"Look at the boy on the little horse! You're so adorable on that little horse! I'm going to take a picture and send it to your class and show them how adorable you are!!"

The boy gets off the horse shakes his fist at his father and screams:

"I WILL ENJOY THIS!!"

He gets back on and starts rocking away.
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May 22nd, 2007
On the Edge of a nervous breakdown.

We watched On The Lot because my friend Terry is in one of the films that got picked to move on next week. I haven't seen humans get their heart broken so severely on television before in such an honest way. I don't want to see this kind of honesty. I'd rather see crazy people on American idol who are so strange and/or delusional that I can't relate to their disillusionment. This, this was too close. I don't need to see grown men crying. I don't need to see people pin their whole dreams on one thing and have it ripped out of their hands in front of me. If I want to do that I can hand Harper my glasses and then grab them out of her hands. But I don't do that. I let her play with my glasses whenever she wants. Because I'm a PUSHOVER. Where have I gone? I just hope this show gets less heartbreaking because I have to watch it for Terry's sake. Maybe I should just spend the week handing Harper things and taking them away from her to desensitize myself so I have the balls to watch this show.
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May 21st, 2007
This weekend

We bought Harper a new hat. This may not seem like an event, but for me, it was. (Save your comments about what has become of me.) I spent most of the weekend convincing Brett that it was cold enough for her to wear it. He kept thinking that people thought she had a medical condition because not enough people were commenting on it. "It's too noticeable not to comment on, so if they don't, I think they may think her parents have found a creative way to cover up an illness." A couple people did walk by and say, "Wow." Anyway, here's the hat. (And the lady in it):







Oh, did I mention that this weekend Brett hit his head on our stairs and got a huge gaping wound with blood pouring out of it? He made me take pictures of that too, but I will not be posting them.

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May 18th, 2007
Why, though?

Why is Elvis Costello doing a Lexus commercial? He can't need the money. Does he think he needs the money? Is he anorexic with money? Does someone need to get him in front of a mirror and show him how much money he has? Somebody go do that. Thank you.
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May 16th, 2007
JV pt 2

I already put Julian Velard in my music section, but I've been listening to his song A Dream and it's so good I can't stand it. But I will. I WILL. Please go listen to it, I beg of you. Go here!
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May 13th, 2007
Happy Mother's Day! To me.

We never celebrate Mother's Day with my mother because she, "doesn't believe in it." It isn't just lip service either. I called her this morning about something else but I said, "Happy Mother's Day!" and she said, "Oh, pfft!" And I said, "That's not why I'm calling." She said, "Oh good. What's up?" One year she actually got mad at my brother for getting her a cake. She says that if we want to celebrate her we can do it any day of the year, why that day? I think that is admirable. She doesn't buy into the Hallmark commercial nonsense and want all that attention because someone told us to give it to her. I really respect that.

Have I ever mentioned that my mother and I are very different? I love this Mother's Day business! I never knew what I was missing! It's like an extra birthday in the year! If I had known about this Mother's Day thing I would have had a baby sooner! Presents and surprises and special meals? This is fantastic!

Lest I let it get to my head, here is a picture of what made all these gifts and extra birthday fun possible. She makes me not even need all that Mother's Day hoopla. Brett if you're reading this, never let Harper see that last sentence.


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May 11th, 2007
Music!

I guess I haven't had a lot to say since my traffic "incident". (Quotes for dramatic effect. Did it work? Thank you!) However I HAVE had the time to update my music pick of the month, so why not check it out? What else are you going to do?

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May 7th, 2007
An overly long entry about an actually minor incident.

Well, it took a year and 9 months. I finally got a speeding ticket. I was on my way back from an exceptionally cute time with Harper where we spent some time in a photo booth (she's like my own live doll!) when some guy decides to pull me over. How annoying! Why me? Just because I was speeding? Please. I am a very safe driver. I have no more vices! I even gave up sugar this month, go bother someone hopped up on Red Vines who may actually hurt someone!

Anyway, while I was waiting for the cop to come over to my car and praying for it to be a man so I could adorable my way out of the ticket, I forgot to pray for him to be a straight man. So annoying. He may as well have been a woman. He was so not interested in my story. I rolled down the window and said, "I'm sorry I have a crying bab--" He cut me off: "License and insurance. I pulled you over for speeding." He then quickly glanced back at Harper, and to his credit, didn't bring up the fact that she wasn't crying. Of course she wasn't crying, we just had a great time in a photo booth! She didn't know yet that he had pulled me over! Why was he trying to destroy my family?

I have got to tell you I have never seen a cop so disinterested in conversation of any kind. He didn't even want to flaunt his power over me. Usually that's when I can get my "in" by agreeing that they are right and all powerful, and I'm just a ridiculous civilian driver who needs a lot of correcting. This tactic makes them love me and lets me go with a warning. Not this guy. Literally all he said to me was, "License and insurance." and, "I put you down as going 75 so you can go to traffic school." He didn't even tell me what I actually going so he could hold it over me! Cops LOVE to tell you what you were actually going! Telling me what I was actually going is how I got out of four tickets in my past! (See: my "in") This guy just seemed hellbent on getting in and outta there. Okay, cop! Your loss! You missed out on a whole lotta adorable ass kissing!
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May 5th, 2007
To the people who use the "word" guesstimate:

Please stop it.

You probably also use quotes all over the place when you shouldn't, so please stop that too.

Thank you.
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May 3rd, 2007
NPR does an adorable attempt at entertainment news.

Heard yesterday morning:

"Oscar and Grammy winner Christopher Cross filed for divorced today citing irreconcilable differences."

NPR is so cute when it tries to appeal to me.


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