April 30th, 2007
Clones, revisited.

Last night Brett and I were laughing about an old inside joke and I said, "Hey, why don't we use that for the clone thing?" He stopped laughing immediately. "You haven't told anyone about that?" "Uh, no." "Okay. We'll use that."

I'm starting to worry that he knows something about our imminent future that I don't.
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 28th, 2007
This is the email I got this morning from Brett.

And yes, he writes me emails sometimes if I'm asleep and he's still up.

April 26th, 2007
The only way Harper could truly disappoint us.

Sometimes whilst on the interwebs you stumble onto a true gem. And that sometimes for me is now. Here is a snippet:

Nicole Schiller
Age: 16
Occupation: Student and Chairman of local Teenage Republicans

For the rest, have yourself a gander over at capitalistschicks.com. Welcome to your future, America!
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 25th, 2007
What's next? Jack Bauer leaves 24??

First Rosie leaves the View and now Alec Baldwin might be leaving 30 Rock? How much more can I take?! --runs away with arms flailing, slams door.-- Wait, I'm not 14? No, but you don't understand, these people are like my friends. The fact that we can't tell the difference between Stephen and Daniel is something Alec and I commiserate about all the time.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 24th, 2007
C'mon adults. Get with it.

Harper is in a phase where she loves babies, including herself. In fact I'm going to go out on a limb here and say she prefers herself. If she sees herself in a mirror she freaks out like a pre-teen meeting the Beatles in real life. This is 1962, right? If it isn't, send me a letter and let me know because some other things may be adding up. Harper's reaction made me wish that adults could react as honestly as babies do. Mostly I would like the "baby out" as I call it (I feel like a professor now. I'm naming things, this is great.). I'd like to use it for when I don't want to talk to someone, for whatever reason. I would love to be able to just duck behind a pole and sum the person up in my own time, or stick my head in Brett's jacket until they realized I just wasn't into it. That's the understanding people show to babies, why can't they do it for me? "Oh, she's feeling overwhelmed, it's okay." "I'm getting too close. It's uncomfortable meeting new people, I'll back off." "It's weird running into people who you have a strange history with, I didn't want to see you either." Or whatever it is. Adults show this common decency to babies and I'm just saying, spread the love, adults! Give me a break!
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 23rd, 2007
Get ready for this entry, it's a keeper!

Several of my friends (including Brett) (I consider him a friend) are turning 30 this year. This is what I have to say about it: Sorry you're so old, suckas!!!

Guys, I do NOT have sleep deprivation to blame for the above comment.


Comments (0)
Permalink

April 20th, 2007
The only Jew she's talking to is herself.

Brett and I listen to Dr. Laura because she is infuriating, and apparently I get entertainment from being infuriated and delighting in the craziness of others. The other day someone called and said she had done a lot of self reflection.

Dr. Laura: Why did you do THAT?

Caller: I was trying to find myself.

Dr. Laura: You think you're going to FIND yourself by looking WITHIN?

Caller: Uh, yeah.

Dr. Laura: Stop that. You're not. It's stupid.

Today before she told a Jewish fable she said to a caller, "You're probably not Jewish, but I'm going to tell you this anyway."
Brett : Why would she not be Jewish?
Me: Please. Jews don't listen to Dr. Laura.
Brett: Says the Jew.
Me: Fine. Jews don't call Dr. Laura.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 20th, 2007
Watching this long has finally paid off.

I know it is so 1992 of me to be watching the Real World, but there is a real life crazy person on there this season and there is little more entertaining to me than watching crazy. And not a "you so crazy! hamming it up for the cameras because it will get her attention" crazy, but a real, "she has no control over her reactions and will spend most of her life institutionalized" crazy. She tore the apartment apart because someone told her she had a double chin. She broke down into tears because a guy asked her to go bowling and I guess she's not a fan? I'm asking. All I know is bowling was NOT what she wanted to hear. If I were Brooke's psychiatrist she would say two words and I would ask her not to speak and spend the rest of the session just writing on my prescription pad. And after she took the pad full of prescriptions and left I would curse all the time I spent in medical school that can't fix crazy. But luckily for me, you don't need a degree to watch and enjoy it!
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 19th, 2007

Time out from vapid television and movie recaps to say I can't believe the Supreme Court upheld the Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act. What is happening to this country? It's very upsetting. Women, we need to ban together before Roe vs. Wade is completely overturned.

Tomorrow: Brooke on the Real World, a whole new level of crazy!

But seriously women. Seriously.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 15th, 2007
It's official: I cannot be counted on for my opinion of movies.

I LOVED the Lakehouse. I even went into it wanting to hate it. Thinking I would hate it. BELIEVING i would hate it. I turned on the TV, it was on and I thought, I'll watch this for five minutes while I do some tedious work so I can have a good laugh. One hour and forty five minutes later I was putty in the Lakehouse's hands! What's happened to me? I don't know, but even though Brett kind of ruined it for me by predicting what happened within the first five minutes, I was still rapt! Brett's theory is that all the bad reality TV I watch is like a gateway drug into liking terrible movies. Do I need to stop watching reality TV? I just quit Days, what am I a monk?

If you would like an in depth review of the Lakehouse, Nate coincidentally watched it the same day as I did! Go see why someone may walk away from this movie with their sense of dignity intact.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 14th, 2007
This could happen during any episode of 24, so it is not a spoiler.

Conversation during last week's episode:

Me: Jack is down!! He's losing! Why is this happening??!

Brett: He's not losing. This is the part where they make him look like he's losing so he can come back and win.

Me: That's not true!! Look at him! He's down!

Brett: How does a professional writer get so wrapped up in the story that you forget they are NEVER going to kill him?

Me: You don't know that! They may kill him! Look at him, he's a mess!!

Brett: What happens to you when you watch this show?

I should have said, "Jack Bauer. Jack Bauer happens." But instead I watched JB get up, kick some ass and get on with his day.

i sure hope you didn't do a staged reading of this last night Jen, because you would have missed the stunning conclusion!
Comments (1)
Permalink

April 13th, 2007
She thinks she's tops, and that's all that matters (to her).

Because I'd like to alienate as many people as possible, I'm going to discuss Top Design now. If you haven't seen the finale, then STOP reading! i realize if Jen hasn't seen the finale, I am talking to myself. Here we go, possibly Jen!

So the bitchy lady lost and the probably gay guy won. It was as suspected. Carissa (bitchy) said one of the most passive aggressive least magnanimous things I've heard said by a loser. She actually looked at the camera earnestly and said, "I'm glad Matt won. Because if he lost, he would have been DEVASTATED. And I lost, but I am happy. This is the best possible outcome." I bet she even believes she thinks she's being nice by saying that! Not, "he's a great designer, i'm happy for him." But, "He is so weak he could not have handled the crushing, crushing loss of a game show, so thank God I could do that for him." Good for you Jesus Carissa!
Comments (3)
Permalink

April 10th, 2007
Why I love David Lynch.

Which, ironically, has very little to do with his films.



If you have the time click on "more by this user" and watch the entire interview. It's inspiring and at the risk of undercutting it, adorable!
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 9th, 2007
I know I shouldn't.

But I can't help but watch Sons of Hollywood. It's SO TERRIBLE. I love it. It's SO TERRIBLE! It's about Randy Spelling, some agent d-bag, and Rod Stewart's son Sean. Sean Stewart is indescribably vacant in the brain area. But he knows himself. Here is an exerpt:

Sean: Hey, have you ever heard of stem cells?

His friend: Yeah.

Sean: I'm going to do that.

His friend: What is it for though?

Sean: My brain, bro. I have severe brain damage all of a sudden in my head right here. Sucks, huh? I pretty much have a Ferrari figure with a fucking Jetta brain.

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP!!

Poor Brett. He just got through having to hear Orange County Housewives while he works and was celebrating that it didn't get picked up, and now this. And now this.
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 8th, 2007
Look at this!

i've updated my music pick and it's not even April 30th. Self imposed deadlines are delightful.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 8th, 2007
It's not you, Jack. It's me.

Guys, I don't want to put your world in a tailspin, but I haven't been enjoying 24 as much lately. I know, I know. It's just this whole Abu Ghraib thing? It's been kind of like, well, a buzz kill. It's made it much less fun to watch Jack torture people who may or may not be guilty. I feel like he should be more, I don't know, responsible? Again, I know. He's Jack Bauer we can trust HIM. Jack is not the problem, it's when a-holes like ol' W are in power that all this torture becomes a problem. But still, it's taken some of the fun out of it. I didn't think I could hate Bush Jr. more, but he's really hit where it hurts.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 7th, 2007
I LOVE 30 ROCK.

I think it may have surpassed Sports Night as my favorite (comedy) show ever. That's all. Thought you should know. You people, you.
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 5th, 2007
He's no top, that much I know.

Is anyone watching Top Design besides me and Jen? I like it as much as Project Runway! !!!! It even has a bitchy annoying contestant and a guy who apparently isn't gay although the only thing keeping him from appearing that way is his wife and kid. The show even has the catchphrase: "See you later decorator!" If that doesn't make you watch I don't know what will. Also, I think there's like one episode left, so I'm very current.
Comments (2)
Permalink

April 4th, 2007
Soap box city, usa

So it's coming on kitten season again which means I will schlep brett and Harper to a house in the neighborhood that has 20 cats roaming around and see if they are neutered, and if not, make sure to make them so. I hate to get preachy, but all the feral and homeless cats make me c-c-crazy and i didn't know anything about how to help control it until a couple years ago. In fact when I lived in Williamsburg there was a colony of cats that lived behind my house that would come by (one daily) and if I knew then what I know now those adorable suckers would not have their babymaking abilities anymore. Did you know that when two unneutered cats mate, the first year they can make 12 cats, which turns into 66 the second year, the third year 2,201, the fourth 3,822, the fifth, 12,680 cats multiplying to a staggering 80,399,780 cats by the tenth year. And that's just two cats! And male cats usually impregnate more than one female AND females can be impregnated by more than one male in the same pregnancy! (Hence the adorable Dr. Schwartz and her brother Gregory looking nothing alike.) If you love cats this is no good and if you hate cats, that's a LOT of cats roaming around! You don't like that! So the answer to this is TNR, a.k.a Trap, Neuter, Release. It's not hard, you don't have to go crazy like I have and foster the kittens and adopt them out. Just take their balls (or ovaries) out of commission! woo hoo! Right?

An addendum to say: If you need help you can go to the site I linked to. They are in nyc, but they have resources. If you're in L.A. you can go to the Stray Cat Alliance. Brett even did some updates for their site (not design, let's be clear) because he's a mensch.
Comments (3)
Permalink

April 4th, 2007
Jake Kositchek in the flesh.

A couple days ago while we were at our favorite eatery (what's the difference between a restaurant and an eatery? Because this place definitely feels like an eatery and not a restaurant. How are you? Let's get out of these parentheses.) Harper, Laura and I saw my favorite actor from Heroes (or tied with the senator), the father. He was trapped in a conversation with some actress, or I'm assuming it was an actress because she was very loud and made sure everyone in earshot (and she made sure everyone was in earshot) knew she was having a bad day. Only it was the kind of bad day where you want to take the person and drop them in the middle of Iraq so they would know what a bad day really was. Like a person who would spend their time thinking about John Mayer and Jessica Simpson dating. Anywhichway, I think she was just trying to make sure everyone knew she was talking to him, because after he left she kept saying, "I was telling JACK", "That's what I told JACK". The only thing I heard him say was, "I'm sorry. I have a friend in from England who I haven't seen in 7 years. I have to go." I wanted to tell him that I loved him when he was the Salem Strangler on Days, but I didn't.
Comments (0)
Permalink

April 1st, 2007
Insomnia thoughts pt. 80

I don't understand why John Mayer is dating Jessica Simpson. I KNOW THIS IS AN INCREDIBLY SHALLOW THING TO BE CONFOUNDED BY. But I am, okay?! I am. Listen, say what you will about his non threatening adult contemporary music (which I admit I love. Hey, some of you love Fergie, leave me alone), he is a great guitar player and happens to be very smart. So what is it, the boobs? My friend Kevin once said that he was very happy to watch the show Jessica and Nick had on because it made him be less jealous of guys with gorgeous girlfriends. He knew they may be like Jessica Simpson and he would never want to date her. (Something like that, Kevin, right?) Anyway, the point being, John Mayer IS dating her and I am CONFUSED.

Iran? No, it's Iraq. Even I know that.
Comments (5)
Permalink