March 30th, 2007
I can smell the chemicals.

This is what Harper looks like when we get her from her naps or in the morning. You need to watch the whole thing to be BLINDED WITH CUTENESS!! She blinded me with...cuteness!


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March 28th, 2007
New favorite google search leading to my site:

"cat stool is airy light"

I would like to meet your cat, sir.
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March 28th, 2007
You so crazy, myspace.

I have avoided myspace up until now because I don't really have a reason for it since I'm not performing right now. If I want to talk to my friends I can call, email, text, IM them, send a messenger to their house, send a singing telegram to their house, or blog to them. Occasionally I will visit them in person. (I will NOT contact them through the postal service.) (DON'T ask me again.) But if someone I know asks me to be their friend I click on there and add them and then go about my business. But today as I was going on to add the person who asked me to be their friend (only to find out I didn't know them, sorry sucka!) I saw that myspace added information about me! how did this happen? They said I was 30 (hmm. Okay, fine.) and the offensive part:" I don't want kids". what if harper sees this? What if she learns to stop eating books, develop a vocabulary, applies that information to being able to read those words and sees this on myspace?! She is going to have quite a neurosis to deal with. But more importantly than my daughter's future, who would bother to hack onto someone's myspace account and put in boring information about them? At least spice it up! Put in there that I enjoy Loverboy or something. Say I PREFER tarts (my real friends know how ridiculous that is). But leave my daughter OUT OF IT.
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March 26th, 2007
In honor of Steven Tyler's (59th, yikes!) birthday...

I have updated my music pick of the month.
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March 25th, 2007
And we even named her after a psychiatrist.

One of our cats has been doing what can only be described as the 100% awesome act of peeing in the spot where Harper sleeps. We think it's Dr. Marlena Evans Schwartz that is doing this, because when she lies on me she does it in such a way that Brett feels she's telling the world, "I own her." Why she's doing it now, out of the blue, is a mystery. It might be because Harper has started to notice and love the cats and shows it by screeching with excitement at the top of her lungs whenever one gets near her. We bought some spray that's supposed to give off some cat pheromone to keep them from urinating on things. If that doesn't work we'll have to have a sit-down chat and sort out our differences. It might go something like this.

Me: Dr. Schwartz, how do you feel about Harper?

Harper: SCREEEEECH!!

Dr. Schwartz runs away.

Me: Well how are we going to get anywhere if you just run away?!

Harper: SCREEEECH!

Me: I know, I know. But it's not what you're saying it's how you say it. What? Don't look at me like that.
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March 22nd, 2007
More like Stupid Road! Huh? Huh? Yeah.

I have made some pretty terrible television decisions this year. Decisions WITH CONSEQUENCES. I mean, without consequences, but still. Why did I decide The Class was funny? I'm sorry that I used this blog, this blog that you--my adoring readers--read to find out what to watch, so haphazardly as to recommend that, and some other show that I don't remember but don't watch anymore either. So let me make it up to you and state the obvious: dear God stay away from October Road. Insomnia will make you do some pretty crazy things, folks. In my case it made me watch 45 minutes of October Road and get so incensed with it that I decided I should go to sleep, but not before tivoing the rest of it. I actually thought, "This show is so awful, I have to see the rest of it." Luckily when I woke up I had regained my senses and just deleted it without watching it. But let me save you the trouble, reader(s)! Don't even give it a chance.
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March 20th, 2007
What what? In the butt.

You should not watch the following if:

1. You're at work.

2. You hate "the gays".

3. You hate comedy.

4. You don't want "what what in the butt?" in your head for the next week.


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March 19th, 2007
My dad also told me about The Wire.

My weirdly hip parents alerted me to this show, Sit Down Comedy with David Steinberg . I didn't know it existed, maybe this is old news, but it's great. It's like the Actor's Studio for comedians, only the host is as unpretentious as James Lipton is pretentious. In fact David Steinberg is as interesting and funny as his guests, and did comedy at a time when as Jon Stewart pointed out, it was truly dangerous. Apparently when he did a Nixon joke (I don't want to butcher it, but he said, "I'm going to tell you something about Nixon and you will never be able to look at him in the same way again. His face...looks like a foot.") the FBI showed up right before he was about to go on stage and said, "If you do the Nixon joke tonight, you will be assasinated." Crazy. Hunted down like a wolf, crazy.
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March 19th, 2007
Hungry like a...species being killed by crazy people.

It is CRAZY what is happening in Alaska! From the NRDC website:

The state has issued permits to aerial gunners and pilots to chase the wolves, run them to exhaustion and shoot them from the air or to land and shoot them at point-blank range. More than 550 wolves have already been killed in this manner over the last three years!

Seriously, what?? They are chasing them unti they are exhausted and killing them?? And in Idaho and Wyoming they are trying to completely eliminate wolves because they are supposedly hurting the elk herds. According to scientists though, it's the elk's habitat that is making their survival rate low, not the wolves. Please go sign this petition and save the wolves!
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March 15th, 2007

Harper is now interested in other babies. And by interested I mean she likes to try to grab their face off and eat them. Actually she loves to eat everything, except actual food (excluding bananas). Apparently you're supposed to read to them even at this young age, but I'd love to know how to do that when she uses all her strength to grab the book we're reading and eat it. Well, enough talk, here's the adorablity in action. Here she is trying to eat the thing that is supposed to catch the things that she should be eating:

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Here she is reading to the favorite toy she likes to eat:

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March 14th, 2007
Why can't we be friends?

The "x" button on my keyboard is broken so when I hit it, it automatically types two xs instead of one. So when I try to end an email with "xo" it types "xxo". I don't want to leave it at that though, because I don't want someone to think I'm sending them more kisses than hugs. I feel like then I'm the creepy girl who's purposely sending an extra kiss. They're looking at the screen going, "Why two kisses? What is she saying here?" But then if I add an extra "o" to balance it all out that says something else. i just want to leave it at "xo" and get outta there. That's as far as I want to take this thing, but my keyboard is ready to go further.

That's all I got.
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March 8th, 2007
Conversation while watching 24:

Brett: I'm supposed to believe he speaks flawless Russian?

Me: He's Jack Bauer, are you CRAZY?

Brett: Flawless Russian?

Me: ARE YOU CRAZY?
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March 7th, 2007
Jack Bauer, you're off the hook. FOR NOW.

I just spent fifteen minutes trying to get the mute to turn off on the television. I had the cable remote, I dug up the actual tv remote, things were getting switched on and off, buttons that should never be pushed were VERY close to getting pushed, I was putting my TV at RISK. It was extremely stressful, I felt like I was on 24. I was very close to texting Brett while he was teaching. But people you can relax because I figured it out. I don't want to give this away in case some of you have our tv and it's a fun little game the company that Sceptre (I know, I know) likes to play with its consumers, but I'm going to give it away. Don't read anymore if you don't want to know!!! SPOILER ALERT ON HOW TO GET THE MUTE BUTTON TO TURN OFF:

Turn the cable box on and off twice. Sorry if the fun was ruined for you because you just HAD to know.

Again, I don't know why you keep bringing up Iraq. It's kind of annoying. Okay, like, what is going on over there that's so important??
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March 4th, 2007
It's time for a Burns and Allen marathon

The other morning Brett was standing in front of Harper and he dropped something. When he picked it up and looked up at her she started laughing. So of course he did it again. She laughed harder. He did it again and that started about ten minutes of her watching him do this over and over and her going into hysterical belly laughs. I was in tears from laughing and also from how sweet it was. When it was over Brett said, "That may have been the best moment of my entire life."

If that was too sacharrine for you, the next morning when it was just me and her I tried to reenact the moment, dropping something and looking up at her expectantly. Crickets. Actually we have crickets (not by choice) downstairs and even they didn't make a sound. Harper must already be subconsciously buying into society's assumption that boys are funnier than girls.
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March 1st, 2007

I found this guy's site looking for pictures of NYC. It is a-maz-ing. Especially if you love nyc. In fact if you love nyc and you wish you still lived there (I don't know anyone like that) it may break your heart. So you know, beware.
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March 1st, 2007
Weighing heavily on my mind...

On the Barbara Walter's special on Sunday Helen Mirren said that she never wears pants. I tend to think that celebrities know what they are going to be asked ahead of time, or have their publicists tell the interviewer what they want to be asked. So I think, for some reason Helen Mirren wanted Barbara Walters to ask her if she never wears pants. To which she responded, "Yes. I never wear trousers." And then she proceeded to go on Oprah and a variety of other places in pants! Why on earth would you lie about that? What a strange thing to point out and then have not be true! Does she want to be sexy or something, and thinks it's sexy to never wear pants? I'm so confused about Hellen Mirren's motives and the case of the non-missing pants!!

Iraq? What's that?
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