January 31st, 2006
Life Lessons.

Courtesy of Jason.
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January 30th, 2006

Yesterday Brett and I were in the car and Brett said, "Whoa. Check that guy out on the corner." I looked to see a tall guy in a purple suit with a pattern that for some reason reflected light from every direction. We were marvelling at him when we heard the guys in the next car yelling. "Check out that PLAYA! Look at him go! BLAM BLAM, PLAYA PLAYA!" The light changed and as we drove past the suit man the guys in the car kept yelling it at him: "Blam BLAM, Playa Playa!" The guy in the suit turned and looked kind of pissed off at them, but I think it was a compliment. Those dudes were impressed.

I had one of my favorite birthdays ever yesterday. I didn't need Oprah OR her favorite things to have a great day! I really showed her.
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January 27th, 2006
Hmm!

Well it's my birthday on Sunday, sorry OUR birthday on Sunday, and I still haven't heard from Oprah. Or her people. I'm starting to think this whole "inviting me and other people who share Oprah's birthday to enjoy their birthday Oprah style" idea I had may not happen. I did get an email from "WIN OPRAH'S FAVORITE THINGS NATASHA!!" but I get those every week. I sure hope her staff didn't make a mistake and forget to put me on the email list because boy are they going to get in trouble from O if that happens! They saw what she did to James Frey! That would be nothing compared to this!

Also, a word of advice: if people offer to order your birthday cake for you, as I was lucky enough to have a couple people do, take them up on it. It's embarrassing to answer the question, "What do you want it to say on it?" with "Happy Birthday...to ME." Suddenly I felt like fit the profile for an 800 pound woman sitting in my house crammed with unopened boxes from QVC, the TV my best friend. And we all know only one of those things is true.
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January 25th, 2006

The following is a conversation I had at the video store yesterday:

Me
Do you have War of the Roses?

Clerk
Lord of the---

Me
No, no. WAR of the Roses.

Clerk
Lord of--

Me
Are you saying War? I'm saying WAR of the Roses.

Clerk
(beat)
Wwww-Lord--

Me
WAR.

Clerk
We don't have it.

This was after going to one place that already didn't have that or any Woody Allen movie I was looking for. I am never venturing into a video store again. It reminded me of the feeling Stephanie had in high school when we had to cut through Sears on our shortcut and she made us run because she didn't like the smell. I think since the advent of Netflix normal people have stopped going to video stores. You don't know what it's like in there people! Stay away. It's scary.
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January 24th, 2006
Dear 24, I continue to love you.

I should just go ahead and make this a blog about 24 because the love I feel for it can't be contained. Last night Jack Bauer killed a bad guy by sticking a tiny pair of scissors in his neck, I mean these scissors were probably nail cutting scissors (!) so he couldn't just stick them in his neck he had to stick it in and then jab it in all extra and REALLY stick it to him! It was so endearing. I think that's the first thing I want Brett and I to teach our kid. But only, you know, if everyone is against him and he's trying to save the world. For the thousandth time.

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January 22nd, 2006

So the play opened. It has been quite an experience. The audience reaction has been better than I could have hoped. I was feeling great about it! And then the reviews came out. Actually there have only been three only one which was bad but of course that's the one I am obsessed about. I don't like critics! I jokingly said to Laura before we opened, "I hope their parents raised them right and they know that if they don't have anything nice to say, they just shouldn't say it!" But now I say that in all honesty. Let the people decide for themselves mean critic! Since this is my website however, I will post the best review here. Suck it mean lady!

Also, we still have four cats. I woke up this morning to find them all on the bed with us. I love having four cats more than I could have imagined. Luckily I don't have to read a review about it to to make me question how I really feel about it. i'd still come back to the same conclusion! Cats are awesome and so is the play. And Jack Bauer.



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January 17th, 2006
24 is still killing me softly. In a good way.

Dear Kiefer Sutherland,

Please forgive me for dismissing you back in 1989 or 90 or whenever it was that you were engaged to Julia Roberts and I thought you both were a couple of annoying spoiled celebrity babies who had limited talent. I hated Mystic Pizza because of how much I couldn't stand Julia, ("We're never going to hear from that actress again" I believe is what I said) but this isn't an apology to Julia because she still grates on me, this is an apology to you so I'll get on with that. I'm just here to say that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, about you. About as wrong as I was about Emily's Reasons Why Not being a hit as it's getting cancelled after one episode. (Although to be fair I never said other people would love it, I just said they should.) This apology is not to Heather Graham who has my birthday but while we're on the subject if you could drop Oprah a line and ask her if she's checked her "show ideas" inbox I'd appreciate a response as to if she's decided if she will have a show with an audience full of people who have her birthday. Our birthday is in less than two weeks and I need to firm up some plans.

Kiefer, I now apologize for going off track. All I'm going to say to you is I'm not sure if I'm spelling your name right, but when you said to that kid on 24, "The only reason you're conscious right now is because I don't want to carry you" I almost imploded from appreciation. You are really bad ass. I mean really. And then I remembered how I saw you on Ellen awhile ago and you were sweet and kind and even shy and it just made me love you even more. Don't get the wrong idea though Keifer, this is purely platonic action hero love. I'm sorry to have to disappoint you in an apology letter, but I'm married.

Keep up the good work Kief,

Natasha

P.S. I know you have a busy schedule but I have a play that opened last week that you should see. Check my website for more details.
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January 16th, 2006
A poem just for you, 24.

I am so happy 24 is back on it's ridiculous. This show is so good I can't take it! I feel sorry for anyone who isn't watching it. Can you believe I even said that? I did! Oh my God Jack Bauer is the most bad ass action hero ever. In movies or TV. It's so suspenseful I almost can't watch it. I have to take breaks to handle the suspense! I can't believe Kiefer Sutherland didn't win the Golden Globe.

Effusions galore.
I love 24.
Sincerely yours,

Natasha
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January 14th, 2006

Yesterday I was at the doctor and they asked me to check my ethnicity on a form. I went to do it and I noticed there were two Jewish options! I got so excited that I was going to get to be more than just boring plain ol' Caucasian. But then I looked and saw that the Jew options had qualifiers: Jewish--Safartic and Jewish--Ashkenazi. I really wanted to check Jew though! I wrestled in my mind with how I might be of Ashkenazi descent but couldn't come up with any hard examples. So I had to go ahead and check Caucasian. Though not before telling the lady, "There really should be a check for the rest of us Jews!"

UPDATE: Turns out I'm Ashkenazi! I asked my mother and she just told me. Turns out there's also a fatal disease just for Jews called Taysachs so that's less exciting. But I'm going to focus on the fun of what I can check next time.

We had a great opening. Better than I had even hoped. Now we're waiting to hear what the LA Weekly thought of it. We had a blurb in the LA Times announcing that it was opening. I was excited about that even though it just meant our publicist called them and told them about it. But who cares, my name was in the Times! Tony said, "It's the openingist of the openings." I think that's what the Times was saying!
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January 13th, 2006

We had our preview last night. My favorite comment (which thankfully was not indicative of the rest) was, "Why did it take place in New York? See, I'm the kind of person who likes things to take place wherever I am. Like when I watch NYPD Blue..." and then his voice trailed off. I was in a state of shock that this person actually existed when I heard Brett say, "When you watch NYPD Blue you want it to take place in LA?" He said, "Come on don't make me explain any further. That's all I got." It sure is.

We open tonight!
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January 11th, 2006

First off, that Mr. Ecko just gets more Jesusy by the minute. I didn't think I could love him more but I was so wrong! I missed the first half hour but it wouldn't change my mind even I found out that I had missed him murdering a whole town of babies. I love him anyway. Okay, maybe if it was a town of babies and cats. But he wouldn't do that so I have nothing to worry about!

So later I had CSI NY on in the background. I had no idea that this is the same exact show as CSI only in...NY. No, but seriously it's the EXACT same show as the first CSI just in a different city. Are you kidding me? I thought when I heard of these multiple CSIs that it was like all the Law and Orders. At least they pretend to make it different by having different police divisions. But this is the exact same show! And people are apparently watching it! That does it. People are retarded. It's official.

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January 9th, 2006

When I saw the promos for Emily's Reasons Why Not I thought it looked really funny fully aware that I should be embarrased to be thinking that. I'm supposed to think it looks awful. Listen, I am a person who hated Sex and the City. HATED it. So I know what I should be repulsed by. But I can't help it, I watched Emily's Reasons and I loved it! Loved it. It's every bit as funny as I hoped. And I love Heather Graham. Yet another opinion I'm supposed to be ashamed of. But she was in this movie Committed that I loved and thought she was hilarious in it. I think every movie that has Christina Applegate pretending to be funny should have Heather Graham in it being actually funny. Also, she has my birthday! So she'll be invited to Oprah's birthday party! This party is just getting better and better! I can't wait for it. I wonder when they'll call.
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January 8th, 2006

I think I may be arriving to this late but i have recently discovered Austin City Limits. I thought it was a new show and then I saw on the website that it's been around since 1976. For those of you who don't know, it's a music show where musicians perform live. They have seemed to tailor it to my tastes, which I appreciate. In the last few weeks they've had Ben Folds, Spoon, Ray LaMontagne and Franz Ferdinand. Last night they had Elvis Costello and devoted a full hour to him. I was very excited and I always love Elvis, but he must have been playing mostly music from his last two albums because I only recognized four songs. Come on, Elvis. I know you are a genius and can do what you want, but you have 40 albums we know the music to, would it hurt to play a little more from those? But his keyboard player was also playing a theremin which was nice to see (Jen). It seemed like it was a mini theremin, have you seen those Jen? This entry has suddenly become an email. I'll make it a plug too! Go see the amazing Stickerbook who has the best theremin player there is! I'm sure they'll be playing sometime soon somewhere. (In case this looks like a selfish plug to those who don't know, I'm no longer in the band since I moved to LA.)
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January 7th, 2006
Thoughts I have had recently.

Jamie Foxx may be a superhuman created in a lab. It's the only plausible explanation for one person being so good at so many different things.

I was buying an extra large thing of kitty litter and the clerk called for someone to help me even though I didn't ask him to. In fact I said, "I can get it." He answered, "Miguel is RIGHT here." I turned around and only saw a miniature old woman who I had to assume was not Miguel. Finally Miguel does "help" me and puts the litter in my car. Am I supposed to tip him? Miguel was thrust upon me! I didn't ask for him! I wasn't prepared! That wasn't a thought so much as a grievance. I blame the clerk for making me feel guilty that I didn't tip Miguel.

How can Chevron charge $2.35 for gas when Arco is charging $2.21? I'm not really asking for an answer, I'm just saying, give it a rest Chevron! Who are you kidding? You know I just have to drive two extra blocks to get to Arco so just quit the ruse and lower your prices.

I am aware that I live a priviliged life that these are my concerns.
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January 5th, 2006

I had a dream that Oprah had a show celebrating her birthday and the entire audience was made up of people who also had her birthday. They got to celebrate their birthday Oprah style and get whatever Oprah gets on her birthday. Except one on one time with Gayle and Stedman. When I woke up I went to Oprah’s website and clicked on the “show ideas” tab and submitted my dream as a fantastic idea. I told them the fact that I share Oprah’s birthday only motivated me in the tiniest amount. I haven’t heard back.
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January 3rd, 2006

I have been plug heavy lately, but I just found out an essay I wrote is going to be published on my favorite writing website Fresh Yarn! This is such a premature plug because it's not up yet and it won't even be up next month, but I was so excited I had to post it!


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January 3rd, 2006

Yesterday in rehearsal I had to tell someone to stop giggling. As I did this I realized that while it was my job to tell her to stop giggling, if she knew even the tiniest bit about me she would have stopped giggling long enough to laugh in my face outright and then continue her giggling. This is because I have been told to stop giggling by teachers, directors, my mother, friends, from anyone who has needed some quiet around them for an extended period of time, hundreds of thousands of times. And I am even using post jr. high for that assessment. So of course my body had to betray me. It looked down on me and said, "Who do you think you are? You are TWELVE. You are TWELVE YEARS OLD. You can't tell someone to stop giggling!" And then someone ad libbed something and I LOST it. I literally could not gain control of my giggling. It was out of my hands. Tears were pouring down my face and I had to blurt out in spurts, "Excuse me. I'm unravelling." Luckily everyone else was laughing too, albeit probably at me, but I knew what was really happening. Instant karma.
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